21 Oct 22 – Read this and you’ll be like the man who got run down by a train I know this will be hard to believe, but occasionally I get on Diane’s nerves. Here’s an example – she asked
14 Oct 22 – Spa Day
14 Oct 22 – Spa Day It was our daughter’s birthday last week so we had a spa day. I haven’t been to many spa days in my life but I was excited about this one. I was going to
Norman’s Walk – Sept 2022
Norman’s Walks – Sept 2022 This month I decided to take a few photos/videos when out walking with Norman, because quite often he’s daft. And then I started noticing other stuff, which I thought you might like, so I posted
30 Sept 22 – Bin Day 2
30 Sept 22 – Bin Day 2 Not sure I should be telling you this but I’m building up an extensive psychological profile of all my neighbours within about a mile radius. It’s not quite as overt as staring through
23 Sept 22 -Norfolk 2
23 Sept 22 -Norfolk 2 Have you ever said (when not drunk), ‘Can you pass the salt, it’s next the pepper?’ No, neither have I until I went to this place in Norfolk. After that I couldn’t stop. ‘Sweetie, are
17 Sept 22 – Norfolk 1 Video
17 Sept 22 – Norfolk 1 Video Here’s the video of the Norfolk 1 post. Hope you like it.
16 Sept 22 – Norfolk
16 Sept 22 – Norfolk We went to Norfolk on holiday last week, stayed in Holt, it was brill. Here’s a sketch I did when I was there. Here’s another scene. Can I say, it’s incredibly un-undulating. As a Cumbrian
3 Sept 22 – Bin Day 1 – Video
Here’s us chatting about one of life’s finest moments
2 Sept 22 – Bin Day
2 Sept 22 – Bin Day Bin day is my favourite day of the week. There is nothing better than rummaging through the fridge to find the squishy stuff and spectacularly slam-dunking it in the wheelie bin. I’ve never slam-dunked,
26 Aug 22 – Cars and Vans
26 Aug 22 – Cars and Vans I’ve had a few incidents with motor vehicles over the years. I haven’t thrashed any with a twig yet, but there’s still time. I was walking down the street and a car pulled
19 Aug 22 – Florida
19 Aug 22 – Florida A few years ago we sold all our internal organs and robbed the local bank to take the family to Florida. We booked all the sights, Magic Kingdom, Holywood Studios, Animal Kingdom, Universal Studios, and
12 Aug 22 – Ichthyophobia
12 Aug 22 – Ichthyophobia I’m not sure you know this, but Diane is ichthyophobic. This is an infliction that affects all aspects of her life: holidays, friends, Chinese restaurants, David Attenborough, Tescos – it’s serious. It all started on
5 Aug 22 – What your dog is trying to tell you
5 Aug 22 – What your dog is trying to tell you Bought this at the supermarket, so I can communicate better with Norman. So I’ve read it and me and Norman are getting on great, communicating effectively late into
29 July 22 – Mumbling Americans
29 July 22 – Mumbling Americans I watched The Batman the other day. Firstly I would like to give the Caped Crusader some crime-fighting advice. I had to shine a torch at the telly to see what was going on.
22 July 22 – The Kennels
22 July 22 – The Kennels This week we put Norman in the kennels for the first time. He doesn’t like it when we move his bed and he thinks running around at extreme speed will stop it from happening.
15 July 22 – Town Characters
15 July 22 – Town Characters Hi Everyone, In the town where I grew up there were a lot of unusual characters, like this one. The man who tipped Lucozade down drains. This was in the days when Lucozade could only
8 July 22 – Neighbours
8 July 22 – Neighbours Hi Everyone, I know everything about everyone in our neighbourhood. I’m not a curtain twitcher, I just get bored easily and exaggerate. I take Norman out about 10 every night to get rid of the
24 June 22 – Tom Cruise
24 June 22 – Tom Cruise Hi Everyone, If you follow us on Facebook you may know it was our 30th Wedding Anniversary on Monday. Yes, a Skwiggles original as a present, Diane’s very lucky to own something worth about
17 June 22 – Norman and the Creme Egg
17 June 22 – Norman and the Creme Egg Hi Everyone, I had another Norman related incident this week.I was walking through town, with Norman obviously (because we’re bffs), minding my own business, probably daydreaming about what I was going
3 June 22 – Platinum Jubilee
3 June 22 – Platinum Jubilee Hi Everyone, I’m sure you haven’t seen enough of the Queen just yet, so here she is again. And yes, she’s wearing a Skwiggles t-shirt. I know, it was quite a shock when I
27 May 22 – Driving Lessons
27 May 22 – Driving Lessons Hi Everyone My daughter is learning to drive. She doesn’t read this because dads are irrelevant until required, so I can say what I like. There’s a disused airfield close to where we live
20 May 22 – The First 10 Years
20 May 22 – The First 10 Years Hi Everyone, I thought I’d go a bit psychoanalytical this week.Yes. I think the first 10 years of your life really do influence the way you turn out and I have examples
13 May 22 – Snowboarding
13 May 22 – Snowboarding Hi Everyone, I had a traumatic experience while snowboarding a few years ago.That sketch is exaggerating my skills a little, in fact a lottle – it’s a lie. I am a poor snowboarder, when I
6 May 22 – Time Travel
6 May 22 – Time Travel Hi Everyone, This week I discovered, with your help, that time travel is possible. I’m serious, it’s got nothing to do with Doctor Who and that was just a pathetic attempt to advertise a
29 April 22 – Mysterious Pet Shop
29 April 22 – Mysterious Pet Shop Hi Everyone, When I was five, we had a Mysterious Pet Shop at the end of our street.The first pet I remember from there was a kitten that came to ours, widdled in
22 April 22 – Dog Walking
22 April 22 – Dog Walking Hi Everyone, I’ve made some new friends these last few months, all because of Norman’s bowels. Norman is regular, so at 8.30 every day, he whines like a baby and we head off out
Good Friday
It’s Good Friday, and my mam has made me write about religion this week.She hasn’t really, but that voice in my head that’s either created by God or a few neurons firing randomly, thought it might be a good idea. Speak
8 April 22 – Stag Night
8 April 22 – Stag Night Hi Everyone, This week I’d like to tell you about my stag night back in 1992 I must warn you there’s violence, injury detail and nudity. But (no pun intended) before you get excited,
1 April 22 – Portrait Artist of the Year
1 April 22 – Portrait Artist of the Year Hi Everyone, Thought I tell you about my Sky Portrait Artist of the Year experience a few years ago.There I am pretending to concentrate in the back, but really trying to
Dogs Behaving Badly
Dogs Behaving Badly Since we got Norman, for some reason we’ve started watching Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly. I don’t know why we watch it because, as you know from previous emails, Norman is an exceptional highly trained individual. But two
18 March 22 – Getting Battered by Kids
18 March 22 – Getting Battered by Kids Hi Everyone, Not sure about you, but getting battered by big kids in the 1970s was just one of life’s little irritations. You may say, well that sketch isn’t to scale, look
11 March 22 – Cumbria Cup
Cumbria Cup I’ve made an attempt at an uplifting story from back in the day. Here’s 12 year old me with a song that (just realised) hadn’t been written then.It’s about football anyway. Our school football team was the worst
4 March 22 – Norman’s Questionable Behaviours
4 March 22 – Norman’s Questionable Behaviours Hi Everyone I have a Norman update this week and a precautionary tale for anyone thinking about getting a puppy when they see cute photos on the internet. He doesn’t look like that
Spooky Castle
Spooky Castle Here’s where my mind took me at 3.00am last night. I’m not a great sleeper, Diane says I’m a very light sleeper which is why I keep the window closed. Luckily, the last time it was open I
11 Feb 22 – Cricket
Cricket When I was younger I played cricket and I was the most boring batsman in the history of boredom No, I wasn’t that kind of boring. Ignore him, I meant this kind of boring. I was king of the
18 Feb 22 – PE Teacher
18 Feb 22 – PE Teacher Hi Everyone, I don’t know about you, but when I was at school PE Teachers looked like this Ours was called Mr Clyde and wasn’t a fan of O rhesus positive so I survived.
4 Feb 22 – Jimmy King of the Road
4 Feb 22 – Jimmy King of the Road Hi Everyone, When I was in America, I worked in a nuclear plant in the desert and met a guy there called JImmy. To imagine Jimmy, think of Lemmy with a hard
28 Jan 22 – Concerts
28 Jan 22 – Concerts Hi Everyone, Please look away if you don’t like to see middle-aged (some would say old) people enjoying themselves. That’s Pete and Kev at the Michael Schenker concert last year. The reason they look like criminals is
21 Jan 22 – Fast Walker
21 Jan 22 – Fast Walker Hi Everyone, This week I scared someone on a dark lane.I didn’t mean to, it’s not a hobby of mine. So I apologise to the innocent teenager who was the victim. Sorry, innocent teenager
14 Jan 22 – Home Alone
14 Jan 22 – Home Alone Hi Everyone, Diane’s mum has had a hip operation so Diane’s 25 miles down the road helping out there, so I’ve been left in charge this week. Before she left, Diane sat my daughter
7 Jan 22 – Downton Abbey
7 Jan 22 – Downton Abbey Hi Everyone, Hope you’ve all had a great Christmas and New Year. Our house has been infiltrated by the virus once again, which has inspired me to move into the world of motivational tee
24 Dec 21 – Merry Christmas
24 Dec 21 – Merry Christmas Hi Everyone, This is just a quick message to say: That’s us, the Skwiggles family, and if you don’t want to know what we really look like (recommended), look away now: So that’s Diane,
17 Dec 21 – Idaho Christmas Story
17 Dec 21 – Idaho Christmas Story I have a real-life Christmas story for you this week. It happened when we lived in Idaho Falls, USA and involved a cold winters night, a guiding star and an ass. Here’s a sketch
10 Dec 21 – Christmas Carols
10 Dec 21 – Christmas Carols Diane has gone into full Christmas mode and keeps playing The Best Christmas Songs in the Universe on Spotify Wait… can you imagine one of those needle-being-badly-lifted-off-a-vinyl-record sound effects please… Thanks ‘What the hell
3 Dec 21 – The History of Santa
3 Dec 21 – The History of Santa I am so grateful to be celebrating Christmas in the present day. Well… there are some downsides. Sorry about the very poor-quality sketch of The Boob, I was starting to get a queasy
26 Nov 21 – Black Friday
26 Nov 21 – Black Friday Hi Everyone, It’s BLACK FRIDAY, forget about 50% off at Amazon, 70% New Look, 200% off at… forget about all that, we’re giving away a free car, look Not only that, you also get
19 Nov 21 – Norman in Town
19 Nov 21 – Norman in Town Hi Everyone, Remember Norman, our puppy, well he got big Apologies to the Japanese people and our irresponsible trip to Tokyo. There was a couple of serious incidents this week in town involving
12 Nov 21 – Second Fight
12 Nov 21 – Second Fight Hi Everyone, Don’t know if you read last week’s email where had my first fight in the playground and used far too many Rocky references Sorry, did it again, that’s the last one, promise.
5 Nov 21 – First Fight
5 Nov 21 – First Fight Hi Everyone, I’ve had two fights in my life, I was claimed to be the victor in both, and never swung a single punch that connected. I wasn’t an heroic Rocky-type figure tiring out
29 Oct 21 – The Dentists
29 Oct 21 – The Dentists Hi Everyone, Have you ever done this for 90 minutes before? I have, and it wasn’t after that 2-0 home defeat by Everton last year. I was at the dentists getting my wisdom teeth