Things I want to believe – Forests can think
Trees can communicate with each other, we all know that.
FYI that sketch is stupid because they haven’t got a larynx nor a means to blow air across it, have they, Ian? (Not sure why I’m talking to myself.) Trees talk with the help of fungus. The fungus joins with the roots of the trees to form a complicated underground network, exchanging nitrogen, carbon, phosphorus and a load of other minerals. So they talk like this:
Translation:
‘How are you?’
‘I’m okay, but my bark feels tender in the mornings and one of my branches…’
Translation:
‘Derek’s boron’
The trouble with trees, apart from their love of puns, is they can’t say this: 2 calcium + 3 magnesium + 2 carbon (Sorry, gotta go I’m catching a bus), so you’re stuck with Derek and his tender branches for 200 years with no means of phoning the Forestry Commission.
But if we can communicate with them we can change all that.
So, here’s what I want to believe. When thousands of trees get together and start exchanging minerals and elements along a complicated brainlike underground fungal network, the whole thing will be able to think like us.
Translation; I think, therefore I amethyst
To prove it one way or another, I did an experiment. I went into the nearest woodland, took my shoes and socks off and stood amongst the trees. Eventually, the fungus would burrow into the souls of my feet and its tendrils join my veins and grow up into my brain, and then we could talk.
Translation:
‘Hellu, wit a pleasut mornig.’
I haven’t quite mastered the language yet. Luckily they’re very patient, and they don’t think too fast so we have a lot in common.
This may be shocking to you but it didn’t work.
Not a single nutrient was exchanged, which was a little bit rude of them considering I’d tried to learn the language. Although, to fuse the plant, fungi and animal kingdoms into one being might take a little longer than the 5-minutes I stood there before my feet got cold.
So it didn’t go too well. All I was left with was a bit of fungus between my toes but I cleared that up with some Mycil.
Not to worry, I will have a rethink and try again in the summer.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
What have you been drinking?
MAybe that sherry was a little strong 🙂
Love this🌳🌳
Thanks Sue, I’ll try and get more evidence when it gets a bit warmer 🙂
You say they were rude?
I suggest you dashed in & then away again in a matter of moments (or so it seemed to them)
So you were, in fact, the rude one, you will need to return and apologise.
This will take some time, I estimate your explanation will take 14 years, 2 months, 8 days & 34 mins.
Enjoy.
You’re right Jo, maybe I was bit hasty and regreting it now with 14 years for an apology
Fabulous!! Communicating with trees. They deserve the utmost respect and I’m with you on trying to speak their lingo!! Show them the love!!
Thanks Jo, I will try again in the summer 🙂
If you.stayed long enough you’d end up like the tree dude in Game of Thrones, the original 3 Eyed Raven
That’s true, would love to have a tree chat with him 🙂
I believe you are truly conkers sorry, bonkers.
Love your randomness…
Haha Claire, when I try again at least I now know the tree word for bonkers, might come in useful.
There’s 5 inches of snow here so my attempt at tree communications will have to wait.
Bit cold in bare feet, give it a few weeks before you send in your findings 🙂
Getting a bit worried about you Ian. Go & have a lie down with a damp cloth on your forehead. (Not exactly sure what the damp cloth is for, but my Grandma always put one on my head when I was ill. She also used to give me brandy with hot water & sugar in it, not sure if this cured anything but it certainly made me feel better!)
Haha Tracy, also not sure about the damp cloth but totally happy with the brandy. I will prove to you one day that forests can think 🙂
I did not think you were a quitter! This experiment obviously requires more time and application. What about putting a tent so that you could spend some time in the wood. People could bring you food and drink and come to hear about your progress. You, meanwhile, could make drawings of the different trees and find out their names and print the drawings on T-shirts for people to buy. We’ll, you will still have to make a living!
I think you’re right, I need to get set up properly. It takes time for the fungus to grow into my body, food, a tent, wifi, I will be better prepared when I try again in the summer 🙂
The largest organism in the world is apparently not a blue whale but a mycelium! There’s a lot of communication going on there!
Just googled and there’s one in the Blue Mountains in Oregon that occupies ten square kilometres. That must be clever
You totally sure you hadn’t been listening to any Rush tracks before you went out and tried this, in particular The Trees? Which, as I’m sure you’ll know is a disguised protest song, all about Canada (well Mainly Quebec) Wanting independence from Britain? Can just see you wandering around the fields by yours, standing next to a couple of trees, saying “I really sympatise with you guys you know, I really understand how you feel and I feel your pain”
Yes, I do like The Trees, especially the maples 🙂