A Walk with Chris Bonington

I was walking with Norman and I saw a gentleman walking ahead of me and I thought to myself: ‘It’s Chris Bonington.’ Look:

This wasn’t a random thought, like the time I went swimming with a bald guy and insisted it was Duncan Goodhew, I knew where Chris Bonington lived and I was about a quarter of a mile from his house. I’m not a stalker, but I like to find out about local celebrities and where they live, watch out Melvyn Bragg I know where you live too.

As I got closer I got nervous, I couldn’t walk past the great Sir Chris and not say anything. Norman was clattering around in the grass eating as much sheep poo as he could.

So I put him on a lead for fear of an embarrassing incident. I didn’t want this post to be titled ‘Sheep-poo fueled dog smashes into mountaineering legend.’

I drew level and looked over.

Me: ‘Hello, nice day isn’t it?’

Gentleman: ‘Lovely.’

Me: ‘Is that you Chris?’

Me: ‘Oh my god, I knew it was you, you live in that house over there, the white one with the chopped wood in the garden and the shed that must be where you write all your books.’

Chris: ‘Yes, I do live there,’ searching his pockets for his personal attack alarm.

Me: I’m a big fan of yours (what stalkers always say) and loved it when you…’

And then I went blank.

Me: ‘… when you walked up all those mountains and stuff.’

Damn it, why didn’t I brush up on Chris Bonington’s life every time I leave the house, just in case?

Chris: ‘Thank you.’

Me: ‘Yeah, it must’ve been really… steep and that.’

Chris: ‘It was.’

Chris was smiling because he’s a nice man and he’d just realised I was a harmless idiot, which I continued to prove.

Me: I was walking here once, and a man asked me where you lived, but I didn’t tell him… no way… he looked a bit weird, maybe a reporter, and was probably from down south. Not from London, where you were born, everyone there is okay, well not okay, absolutely superb like you, probably from Bracknell or Busbridge near Godalming…’

Chris: ‘Thank you, I appreciate that.’

The conversation continued.

I walked with Sir Chris for about 10 minutes in this manner. Me speaking total claptrap and him smiling and nodding and answering the best he could.

Then I came to my senses.

Me: ‘Look, I’ll let you enjoy your walk, but it’s been nice to meet you.’

Chris: ‘It’s been really nice to meet you too.’

I walked on, and two thoughts crept into my feeble mind: one, Sir Chris Bonington was really pleased he met me, note the word ‘really’ in there (told you he was nice), and two I’d walked away from Sir Chris Bonington, which meant I was a faster hiker than world’s greatest hiker. I immediately set my sights on the south face of Annapurna and the west face of K2 – damn remembered them now.

Sir Chris is 90 years old, and when I say faster he wasn’t that far behind me when I got back to the car.

The main thing is – it made my day.

Note: I may have misled you with the title or this post, but I walked with him for 10 minutes and I’m chuffed with that.

Have a great weekend.

Take care and all the best,

Ian

(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)