I’m going to see Brian Cox in Edinburgh tonight, so I thought I’d brush up on a bit of quantum physics to show off in case I bump into him in the corridor. ‘Hey Brian, that wave-particle duality is an
An Emergency Trip to Lidl
Me mam keeps me on my toes. As usual, late afternoon on Wednesday, we were in Keswick having coffee and scones (jam first then cream, got to be clotted) when her phone pinged and she announced: Keswick is too posh
The Calling
Lent has started and this reminded me of a life-changing moment that happened to 8-year-old me. No, although me mam did make me do that. This was much worse. I was minding my own business in school, staring out of
Babies are just lazy freeloaders
I saw a documentary on bonobos and chimps the other day. They are our closest relatives, and my first thought was: why are human babies so useless? Here’s a picture of a 6-month-old chimp. Dynamic, focused, getting on with life.
Running Away from Home
Running Away from Home Thought I’d tell you about the time I ran away from home to live in a graveyard. I was about 6 and, yes, it took me a long time to grow into that head. I ran
A Four-Scone Day
A Four-Scone Day I took me mam on a day trip to Edinburgh last week to see my daughter, Hannah. We went by train. No, we went by four trains, three lifts, two taxis, an escalator… And yes, there were
Spooky Castle
Spooky Castle Here’s where my mind took me at 3.00am last night. I’m not a great sleeper, Diane says I’m a very light sleeper which is why I keep the window closed. Luckily, the last time it was open I
The Waterpark
The Waterpark In the days when people wore speedos proudly and my gut didn’t do this when I sat down Something bad happened. By the way, I don’t normally sit with my arms like that, because that would be strange.
Chased by Hounds
Chased by Hounds A while ago I was out on my bike enjoying the lovely Cumbrian countryside, here I am: No, sorry, wrong sketch I’d just safely negotiated a Strava section called ‘Chased by hounds’ which was very well named
I Disfigured My Boss
I Disfigured My Boss This post comes with a warning – saving the environment can be dangerous. Many years ago, before I started Skwiggles, I worked at the local factory. As far as I could tell, my job was to
Norman’s Walk – February 2024
Here’s what me and Norman have been up to in February.
Norman’s Walk – January 2024
Here’s what me and Norman have been up to in January.
Tik Tok Videos
I made another attempt at TikTok videos this week, but not sure they’re going too well. Click any one below, if you’re really interested in a monotone voice trying to describe the stuff on various bits of paper. Sounds fun.
Covid Strikes Again
Covid Strikes Again Diane got COVID again this week. That’s her Covid smile, very similar to her I’m-totally-happy smile only you’ll notice the dimple on the right looks a bit sadder. She’s getting better, thankfully. The problem is, we’ve been
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday When you say this song title to people they always reply with: But that is just not true, I’ve given this some serious thought and here’s what would really happen. Christmas Day 1.
Christingle
Christingle When the kids were teeny weeny little toddlers and we were still in our overprotective phase of parenting, we took them to Christingle at the local church, because it seemed like a Christmassy thing to do. Little did we
Things I want to believe – Forests can think
Things I want to believe – Forests can think Trees can communicate with each other, we all know that. FYI that sketch is stupid because they haven’t got a larynx nor a means to blow air across it, have they,
Lifechanging Childhood Discoveries
Just thought I tell you about a few things from my childhood that I know to be absolute fact and incredibly useful, just so they can help you in your life. Before parents cared and stairgates, stairs hurt. The word
Found out where Batman lives
Shouty People
Shouty People Can you believe complete strangers like to shout at me? Let me tell you about it. Shout 1 I was walking down a secluded forest path in the middle of The Lake District, just like this one: Then
8 September 2023 – Tomorrow’s World
Remember this: Well I was watching a couple of episodes from 1966, the year I was born, and the first thing I’ve got to complain about is – where the ‘eck is this? And, also, where are those paper undies,
1 September 2023 – TikTok
This guy is to blame for my apparent laziness this week. Stevie Bartlett, not sure why I’m calling him Stevie, from Dragon’s Den, said, as a business, I need to be on TikTok. So I’ve finally got round to doing two TikToks.
25 August 2023 – Lizzi
Not sure you remember, but we have another dog, Lizzi. Here she is:Diane says I haven’t mentioned her much since we got Norman, and it’s true. The reason is this:Walking isn’t usually her favourite thing to do. That’s a quick
18 August 2023 – Superpowers
I have a confession to make, I think I have superpowers. I’ve suspected for a while, especially with this first one. You see, like Electro, I can control electricity. I’ve demonstrated this to everyone else in our house and they are amazed. Here’s what
11 August 2023 – The Street of Signs
There’s a street in our town that’s under siege. Here’s what you see when you turn the corner. And as you walk down the street, the signs quickly get more weird. I’m going to do what they do online to keep you reading… …because you won’t
4 August 2023 – A Violent Week
I’ve had a very violent week. Let me tell you why. Diane’s a strictly PG-rated film watcher, unless Julia Roberts is in it, then she can be a little more flexible. This is an old sketch, sorry for being lazy, so
28 July 2023 – Intense Man
This week I met a very intense man in the park with his dog. His dog was sitting in front of him looking at him as if he was a god. To get the look accurate in your mind, it’s the
21 July 2023 – Steven Barlett
How’s your algorithm? Because I’m not sure about mine. I recently joined TikTok since Steven Barlett from Dragon’s Den said I should. It’s great for your business, he said. So I signed up… …and he’s wrong. It’s not great for
14 July 2023 – Kiss Concert
s you may already know, I went to the Kiss – End of the Road tour last Saturday. Here’s me and Pete cuddling (we’d had a few drinks). As you can see we’re old now, so we didn’t go down
7 July 2023 – Slowing down time
I suddenly turned 57 this week, not sure how that happened, because last time I looked I was 32. But I’ve had enough, and that’s why I’m writing this using my feet, sitting on the roof of my house, wearing a viking
30 June 2023 – Man in the Woods
I was walking through the woods this week and I saw a man doing something in the undergrowth. Norman ran to investigate this strange happening. So I shouted for him ‘Norman.’ The man looked round. Notice, it was the man who
23 Jun 2023 – I’ll be back, back back
I was walking with Norman this week and saw this: An old fridge had been dumped into a pond. You could call it a pond, or you could call it a dark and lonely water. I had a uneasy, deja-vue
16 June 2023 – Bruce Springsteen
I’m on the train right now, on my way to see Bruce Springsteen at Villa Park in Birmingham, so I’m very excited. At least I hope I’m on the train. I wrote this yesterday and the trains were still running
9 June – Father’s Day 2
This week I’m not going to mention Father’s Day, because I’ve been going on about it too much in the last couple of weeks. Who cares if your father looks like this, a week on Sunday? I mean him looking like
2 June 2023 – Father’s Day 1
I took a deep dive into some serious data this week, just to help you out. In 2022 retail spending on Father’s Day was estimated to be £951 million. Now I don’t expect you to spend all that at Skwiggles,
19 May 2023 – Guardians of the Galaxy
Went to see Guardians of the Galaxy last weekend, it was brill as always. But guess who’s been following me ever since. And guess who thinks he can read your thoughts and lift objects with his mind. We’ve got to
12 May 2023 – Hadrian’s Wall
This week I hiked Hadrian’s Wall with these two. I’m the tired-looking one who looks like he’s just celebrated his 600th birthday. As for the two behind me, one is an irritating character who won’t do as he’s told and
28 April 2023 – Norman’s Birthday
It’s a big week coming up. Norman is 2 years old on 30th April. I know, he doesn’t look a day over 1. But it’s an important birthday because all the dog websites say a labrador should be mentally mature
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 5
Reminder: I went walking with Norman and I introduced you to a few neighbours, The Medic, Sid the tree and scared a teenager, then The Blank-Faced Man appeared out of the gloom and said something was my fault. The Blank-Faced
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 4
Reminder: I went walking with Norman and I introduced you to a few neighbours, The Medic, Sid the tree and scared a teenager, then The Blank-Faced Man appeared out of the gloom and said something was my fault. The Blank-Faced
Norman’s Walk – Feb 2023
Norman’s Walk – Feb 2023 I thought I’d give you a break from Norman’s Walk (the story), so I could tell you about Norman’s Walk (the reality). Here’s what we’ve been doing this month. Firstly, there’s been another statue unveiled
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 3
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 3 If you’ve never been attacked by a man with a blank face pulling a trolley full of rotten fruit, then let me tell you this: I hurry along the full length of the rugby pitch
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 2
Chapter 1 Reminder: I went walking with Norman and I introduced you to a few neighbours, The Medic, Sid the tree and scared a teenager, then The Blank-Faced Man appeared out of the gloom. Norman’s Walk – Chapter 2 This
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 1
Norman’s Walk – Chapter 1 I’ve had a lot of people say I should write a book about Norman’s Walks. I wasn’t sure what anyone really wanted or meant by that, but as usual, I decided to be undeterred by
Norman’s Walk – Jan 2023
Norman’s Walk – Jan 2023 A busy January walking around with Norman. It started off with a shocking discovery. On the path just down from our house, Norman found Mick Hucknall’s hair. I know, an amazing find, and not often
27 Jan 23 – Pregnant in the US
27 Jan 23 – Pregnant in the US Okay, anyone who’s ever been pregnant can virtually punch me in the face right now. You see, when Diane was pregnant (way back in 1999) I had a brilliant idea. I said
20 Jan 23 – Camping
20 Jan 23 – Camping I’ve camped a lot over the years but there’s only one time I thought I was really going to die. I wasn’t caught in an ice storm in the Himalayas or bitten by a Jararaca
13 Jan 23 – Prince Harry
13 Jan 23 – Prince Harry Inspired by Prince Harry, I have decided to slag my family off in public for money. Look, he’s got a book to sell and 15 million pounds to make, I have T-shirts to sell
Norman’s Walk – Dec 2022
Norman’s Walk – Dec 2022 Happy New Year to everyone. I had a word with Martin Lewis for you, and look Phew. While walking with Norman in December, I discovered that global warming has finally come to Cumbria. Look what
16 Dec 22 – Last Christmas
16 Dec 22 – Last Christmas Last Christmas, no I didn’t give you my heart, but I did go totally overboard with Christmassy stories Okay George, there’s a lot of new people on the website, who may not have realised
9 Dec 22 – Christmas Eve – Midnight Mass
9 Dec 22 – Christmas Eve – Midnight Mass As I’ve said a couple of times, I’m a not-so-good Catholic who hasn’t been to mass (don’t tell me mam) since this particular incident about 25 years ago. Thanks Mam. I
Norman’s Walk – Nov 2022
Norman’s Walk – Nov 2022 November’s been another fun month walking with Norman. Not sure you know, but he’s been doing great things and he’s got his own statue in the park now. It’s a bit much I know, but
11 Nov 22- Dog Walking Friends
11 Nov 22- Dog Walking Friends I thought I’d give you an update on all the friends I’ve made during my last year of dog walking. When I say friends I really mean people I bump into and occasionally try
Norman’s Walk – Oct 2022
Norman’s Walk – Oct 2022 It’s been another busy month walking with Norman. I’ve learnt a lot. For starters, I didn’t realise that one of our neighbours works at Jurassic Park. And when I saw this in the local woods