I suddenly turned 57 this week, not sure how that happened, because last time I looked I was 32. 

But I’ve had enough, and that’s why I’m writing this using my feet, sitting on the roof of my house, wearing a viking helmet. Look.

Why? Are hear you ask.

Here’s why. When you’re doing something you always do, like picking your nose, your brain isn’t expending much energy. However enjoyable it is, it’s still a routine maintenance job. But, try picking your nose with the sharp horn of a viking’s helmet.

Now your brain is on fire with the danger and novelty of it, and it uses more energy. The more energy it uses the more memories it stores and the longer things seem to have taken.

Let’s throw in some emotions. If you’re having an argument with your wife, say, which we never do, do we, Diane? 

Exactly, but if it did happen, those arguments seem to last forever, especially when the football’s on. Emotions also affect our perception of time.

So, by simple reasoning, putting emotions and novelty together slows down time.

That’s why I’m here, sitting on my roof, typing with my feet whilst picking my nose with a viking helmet. It’s all new and slightly scary and the energy of my brain is off the scale. This next year will feel like five to me and I become the master of time.


A less dangerous alternative to this, is to watch any show with Gregg Wallace without drinking enough beer. That’s a long night.

7 July 2023 – Slowing down time

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