How’s your algorithm? Because I’m not sure about mine. I recently joined TikTok since Steven Barlett from Dragon’s Den said I should.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/473c1ada-f3c5-9c20-e192-8497a7eff80e.jpg)
It’s great for your business, he said. So I signed up…
…and he’s wrong.
It’s not great for your business.
We haven’t sold any more T-shirts than usual. In fact, it’s made it worse. All I do now is scroll through videos on how aliens built the pyramids and, you know that meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs, well it wasn’t a meteor, it was an alien spacecraft full of creatures that impregnated early apes and made them into us.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/6b106d7a-a36c-5a47-193a-0c00a0c79453.jpg)
And did you know if a simulated bus crashes into a wall at 350mph it makes a right mess.
I’m not sure if I’m actually supposed to post anything on TikTok, Steven didn’t really elaborate on what to do. And I haven’t got time anyway because, look at this, if you have two twins and one gets shot into space at the speed of light then
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/f97ec9d1-3e9b-3de3-961d-da1e6201cdf6.jpg)
Surely not Brian, not according to this video on Lord Kelvin and the second law of thermodynamics.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/bdc8d068-9415-ec0b-d7d7-acdc68770c8c.jpg)
As usual my Customer Services Manager is correct. The problem is, this TikTok algorithm thinks I’m a complete gullible freak who believes everything he’s told.
And that’s the scary bit…it’s right.