This week I met a very intense man in the park with his dog. His dog was sitting in front of him looking at him as if he was a god.
To get the look accurate in your mind, it’s the exact way Norman doesn’t look at me.
‘Circle’ the man said with a elaborate hand gesture and the dog ran off into the field in an exact circle and returned to the owner and sat in front of him again.
Norman look at me in complete confusion. I’d taught Norman rhomboid and isosceles triangle but hadn’t quite got as far as circle.
The man threw a ball and shouted ‘CIrcle and retrieve with a triple somersault’ followed by a series of Mr Miyagi tai-chi hand movements.
Norman saw the ball and a tiny spark of comprehension pushed through the dense cloud of his brain.
Before the tai-chi dog had finished its circle and somersaults, Norman raced over and started chewing up the ball.
The man looked at me with a look that suggested utter contempt, because it was.
‘It is very important for my dog’s cognitive development that she retrieves the ball. She had a traumatic experience involving a ball and another terribly untrained dog with an irresponsible owner when she was younger that has affected both her’s and my spiritual growth.’
*exaggeration alert: he never said these exact words but the essence of the conversation remains intact.
Norman stood there chewing the ball and wagging his tail.
The other dog was now looking upset and its cognitive development was being rapidly impaired.
‘This is incredibly important,’ he said, ‘you can see my dog is in a state of shock, that she may never recover fr…’
‘Norman drop and here’ I said.
Norman dropped the ball and raced over to my side, the man looked astonished and impressed (is how I remember it), and we walked out of the park like a godamm heroes.
When we got round the corner me and Norman started jumping up and down like idiots.
‘WHAT, how did that happen? You’ve never done that before.’
‘Wooferty woof jumperty jump’ which translates to ‘Stick that one in your memory banks, because it won’t be happening again any time soon.’ We high-fived and mosied off into the sunset.