I’ve had a very violent week.
Let me tell you why. Diane’s a strictly PG-rated film watcher, unless Julia Roberts is in it, then she can be a little more flexible.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/34d33104-6824-ac40-1a63-d68b2842195c.jpg)
This is an old sketch, sorry for being lazy, so if you’ve forgotten what Julia looks like, this probably won’t help.
Julia is a safe pair of hands to guide Diane through any film, allowing her to go as far as a 12 or 15-rated, because as long as Julia’s there nothing bad can happen.
So whenever Diane goes out, I watch films that are slightly more violent. But, as far as violence and body count are concerned, this week I went too far.
As the door clicked and Diane’s mini left the drive, John Wick had already killed 10 people.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/02cac059-8387-124f-7f75-5090492dd3f2.jpg)
And he didn’t get fed up of it.Total body count for this film was about 100. Horrific, but nothing compared to what was to come.
A few days later we both watched Batman v Superman. A 12 rating without Julia, so a bit borderline for Diane, but acceptable until you remember what the film is based on. Batman’s in a bad mood because in the previous episode Superman had a fight with General Zod in Metropolis and killed, according to the internet, 129,000 people and injured 1 million, at a cost $3 trillion in damage.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/d14d66cd-887b-c267-1875-d3629b251e90.jpg)
You might think that’s enough killing for the time being, but then Diane took her mam shopping on Tuesday and I watched Godzilla v Kong.
This isn’t a spoiler because it’s in the title, but they have a scrap in Tokyo and I’m telling you they trashed half the city. I can’t find any figures on this, so I’ve estimated my own.
Tokyo has a population of nearly 14 million. Judging from the number of skyscrapers destroyed and the number people running around screaming with blood spurting out of them, I am going to say the body count in Tokyo that day was at least 3 million and the damage was in the godzillions.
![](https://mcusercontent.com/5622c786b5e2ddad29aafb176/images/71b81df6-e8db-4a84-2204-14a09a25ab24.jpg)
And Julia didn’t turn up to give those silly boys a smacked bum.
Total deaths for the week: 3,129,100
Diane needs to stop going out or I’ll have to watch Pretty Woman and My Best Friend’s Wedding on my own, and that definitely doesn’t sound right.