Covid Strikes Again
Diane got COVID again this week.
That’s her Covid smile, very similar to her I’m-totally-happy smile only you’ll notice the dimple on the right looks a bit sadder.
She’s getting better, thankfully. The problem is, we’ve been working from home all week (as usual), so I analysed the extensive data I’ve accrued from a sample of one and came up with a shocking result.
Covid must now be transmitted via email.
Or potentially by commenting on kittens on Instagram, or watching videos of Tom Cruise running. In fact, now that I’ve properly analysed and triple-checked the data, it’s definitely Tom Cruise’s fault
If you need to know more about the third person in our marriage, read this: Tom Cruise Smells
So here’s my advice, wear a mask when emailing Diane and delete everything to do with Tom on the internet.
But guess what, on the same day Diane did a test, Norman started puking up.
So I googled ‘can dogs get Covid’ and it turns out they can. Unlike Human men, who just battle on without complaining about anything, Norman is a complete whiner when he’s ill. See this photo
Add the sound effect of a pathetic, bleating, high-pitched noise, a noise you feel sorry for initially and want to poke needles into your eardrums for the next 10 hours.
I checked Norman’s diary for that day:
- 9.00am: Puked in the living room in front of the telly.
- 9.15am: Tried to eat grass in the garden.
- 9.20 – 9.45am: Put ears back and whined like a baby while looking at humans.
- 10.00am – 10.00pm: Repeat until humans start to cry.
Don’t worry Norman probably didn’t have Covid. There’s a cute cat who lives round the corner. It’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and a lethal, vicious, serial killer. This little cutie regularly leaves disemboweled animals on the grass just round the corner. If I’m not paying attention, because I’m taking a photo of a tree that looks a bit like Mick Jagger or a cloud that looks like Snoopy, look…
,…Norman’s right over there eating a rotten bird’s guts.
Norman will eat anything except brussels and worming tablets (why do they make worming tablets taste worse than rotten bird’s guts), so it was probably the bird and not Covid.
The good news is they’re both nearly back to full strength.
I didn’t get it because I’m a galactic superhero, with a Covid-19 repelling epidermis.
Which I haven’t gone on about much, if the definition of much is every 7 minutes.
Next week we’ll all be back to 100%. Apart from me, because I was never not at 100%.
Have I mentioned I didn’t get it?
Hope you’re all avoiding it too.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
Hi Ian poor family (especially Norman, sorry). I had a devil cat that used to decapitate baby rabbits around a certain time of year eg. Easter when all the baby rabbits appear and never did find the heads gross 😝 . If we were playing Top Trumps and I have never had covid but currently have a chest infection complete with antibiotics would I win? Get well soon everybody (especially you Norman) xxx
Being cute and fluffy is a great disguise for a baby rabbit eating killing machine. And you win with the antibiotics. Get well soon yourself 🙂 xx
Just hoping nobody falls for the jab crap again – it injured and destroyed the families of millions
It’s been terrible for a lot of people, that’s for sure
Ah Tom….
Nothing more to say really is there?!
He’s the best (I’m lying) 🙂
Hello Ian, have you tried disguising the worming tablet in black pudding? It’s the only way we can get them into our dog!!!
Hope you stay clear of the dreaded Covid I had it twice last year after every vaccination going!
No, I haven’t tried that, we usually coat it in primula cheese (bought especially for this), shove it to the back, and then hope for the best. Might try black pudding, he’ll love that. Glad you’re over covid and hope you’re immune from now on. Have a great weekend 🙂
Just found your website through Facebook at Christmas- wee bit obsessed now. 😂😂. Hope Diane feels better soon. Norman is gorgeous!
Thanks Chritine, glad you found us and thanks for subscribing to the newsletter 🙂 Diane’s feeling better now, thanks. And Norman’s still gorgeous, at least he thinks he is. Have a great weekend 🙂
I have the same issue with the smelly Chris Hemsworth, with his rugged good looks and gym toned physique.
I, on the other hand prefer aTwix and milky coffee. I am thinking of joining a gym but there are so many around and I have taken so long to choose I feel quite exhausted so I will have a Mars Bar and another coffee to recover.
Smelly Chris Hemsworth makes it tough for all men, how selfish to steal all the rugged good-lookingness so there’s not enough left for the rest of us. You’re right, put the kettle on and pass me a Mars Bar