Covid Strikes Again
Diane got COVID again this week.
That’s her Covid smile, very similar to her I’m-totally-happy smile only you’ll notice the dimple on the right looks a bit sadder.
She’s getting better, thankfully. The problem is, we’ve been working from home all week (as usual), so I analysed the extensive data I’ve accrued from a sample of one and came up with a shocking result.
Covid must now be transmitted via email.
Or potentially by commenting on kittens on Instagram, or watching videos of Tom Cruise running. In fact, now that I’ve properly analysed and triple-checked the data, it’s definitely Tom Cruise’s fault
If you need to know more about the third person in our marriage, read this: Tom Cruise Smells
So here’s my advice, wear a mask when emailing Diane and delete everything to do with Tom on the internet.
But guess what, on the same day Diane did a test, Norman started puking up.
So I googled ‘can dogs get Covid’ and it turns out they can. Unlike Human men, who just battle on without complaining about anything, Norman is a complete whiner when he’s ill. See this photo
Add the sound effect of a pathetic, bleating, high-pitched noise, a noise you feel sorry for initially and want to poke needles into your eardrums for the next 10 hours.
I checked Norman’s diary for that day:
- 9.00am: Puked in the living room in front of the telly.
- 9.15am: Tried to eat grass in the garden.
- 9.20 – 9.45am: Put ears back and whined like a baby while looking at humans.
- 10.00am – 10.00pm: Repeat until humans start to cry.
Don’t worry Norman probably didn’t have Covid. There’s a cute cat who lives round the corner. It’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and a lethal, vicious, serial killer. This little cutie regularly leaves disemboweled animals on the grass just round the corner. If I’m not paying attention, because I’m taking a photo of a tree that looks a bit like Mick Jagger or a cloud that looks like Snoopy, look…
,…Norman’s right over there eating a rotten bird’s guts.
Norman will eat anything except brussels and worming tablets (why do they make worming tablets taste worse than rotten bird’s guts), so it was probably the bird and not Covid.
The good news is they’re both nearly back to full strength.
I didn’t get it because I’m a galactic superhero, with a Covid-19 repelling epidermis.
Which I haven’t gone on about much, if the definition of much is every 7 minutes.
Next week we’ll all be back to 100%. Apart from me, because I was never not at 100%.
Have I mentioned I didn’t get it?
Hope you’re all avoiding it too.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)