Just thought I tell you about a few things from my childhood that I know to be absolute fact and incredibly useful, just so they can help you in your life.
Before parents cared (and safety gates), stairs hurt.
Three times concussed before I was two – and me mam still lets me play on the stairs now.
The word ‘quadruple’ is the scariest word in the English language, especially when it comes before Biology on a Friday afternoon.
Mothers knitted jumpers out of barbed wire instead of wool. And they made the neck hole too small, causing the barbed wire to slowly slice off your head. This forced you to take it off when you got to the end of the street and stamp on it.
Discovering you can’t fall over is a powerful thing. The man in the shoe shop said to me with a jovial smile: ‘With those big plates of meat you’ll never fall over, will you?’ and I believed him, so I never did.
Totally destroying your big brother at Subbuteo made your right eye hurt and swell up a little.
School ties aren’t designed properly for storing mice.
Throwing stones at each other in the park was fun.
A trip to the hospital for stitches wasn’t fun.
If you eat chocolate during Lent, you burn in hell for all eternity (still do, says me mam).
Don’t let the fact that it’s a complete stranger’s garage stop you from making a camp from stuff you find in his open boot.
Picking your nose was fun.
Still is.
Werewolves are real and live at number 27. There’s a slight chance it might have been a man with a beard in the window and the next day his similar-looking dog.
Standing in front of a golf ball travelling at 100mph makes you fall into handily placed nettles and not wake up for 6 minutes.
Concussion number 4.
Cycling in the dark, with golf clubs on your handlebars and a football up your jumper, with no lights, was encouraged — especially when your parents were busy watching The Onedin Line and couldn’t be bothered with you.
You had to pay to get in your big brother’s room to play on a pool table that was half yours (1 refresher).
Gravestones are great for drawing wickets on. And if the ball is wet, you can tell you’re not really out and your brother is a big fat liar.
Sorry Jebediah.
Playing the violin was cool, if you like getting whacked with the bow at playtime.
Smelly brown things you found on the floor in the park were edible when your mam was busy talking to Mavis.
I hope that helps you going forward.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
My father convinced my friend and I, during a night-time drive, that the cat’s eyes were being lit by a little man running along in a tunnel in front of us! He was a teacher so we didn’t query it!
I really want to believe that Maureen, sound totally reasonable to me :)
My uncle said that they used cat’s eyes because if they used cat’s bums, you’d need twice as many :-)
Haha, your uncle knows his stuff :)
Why are there no white dog poohs anymore?
Very good question, just boring old brown ones. I used to like stepping in either :)
A ban on white dogs?
We’re you Woody Allen when you were a child? Looks a bit like it.😁
Haha Steve, I don’t think I was, I’ll check with me mam
Running with your imaginary friend through the glass back door (before double glazing) doesn’t hurt too much, especially when you get a sweet from the nice nurse in A&E and a scar that’s still just visible 50+ years later.
Ouch, that soungs a tiny bit painful. I hope your imaginary friend wasn’t hurt as well. Handing sweets out in A&E could solve a few NHS problems. Glad you’re okay:)
My mum always said that eating all the butty including the crust of the bread would give me curly hair, so I ate it as I dreamed of hair like Robert Plant or Roger Daltrey. All I got was hair like Mick Fleetwood. Mums can be unreliable witnesses.
Haha, Mick’s hair was gorgeous, down the sides :) don’t trust mums
My dad told me that if I poked my bellybutton I’d turn inside out …. I believed him for more years than I should’ve…
My daughter still belives that :)