Norman has a lot to get through in a day, so much so I found his to do list by the side of his bed this morning. (My explanatory notes are in brackets).
This may well be an infringement of his civil liberties, but stuff it, here’s the list:
1. GET FAT (written in capitals and underlined, Always the first goal of the day, always the sole motivation, the singular purpose of his being, every day, all day).
2. Wee 1000 times, especially on daffodils, hate them (Norman is the reason daffodils die early).
3. Pretend to be Rambo.
(We watched First Blood the other week and he’s obsessed).
4. Find Bin Man (there are three hearts scribbled after this, he loves the Bin Man and his pocket full of treats).
5. Discover inventive places to poo, especially near nettles and thorns so Ian spikes and stings his hands (no explanation required, he’s just nasty to me).
6. Get to bench where kids eat sandwiches before Ian.
(To be clear, I don’t want to get there first to eat the leftovers, I’m there to ruin Norman’s fat goals).
7. Find a river, lake or deep puddle and jump in, if it’s cold jump out and do this:
8. Completely ignore little dogs (this is bordering on rude).
9. Dig holes very fast so little dogs fall into them.
10. Sneak up on Hank from the left (Hank is Norman’s buddy and he’s blind in one eye, and Norman’s mean).
11. Guide Ian towards the butcher’s van
(The butcher’s van is like the Gates of Heaven to Norman. I had him on the lead, don’t worry, because I’m a big fat spoilsport).
12. Concentrate really hard until my ears do this:
13. Sniff out cats with my incredible sense of smell
(Not sure what his massive nose is for, apart from finding mouldy sandwiches and sheep poo).
14. When I see our house, jump in mud (He thinks the sofa likes mud).
15. Go to sleep until I can smell dinner.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
We all need a Norman in our lives. Mine is Elsie, a Bosnian Tornjak. Loves digging extremely big holes & hiding in the muddy bit of the garden.
At 50kg she’s meant to be on fitness regime, I have increased my arm muscles dragging her along…
Elsie sounds like a lot of fun. Norman’s only 25kg, so Norman times two. Good workout for you though 🙂
Don’t stop being Norman, perfectly reasonable explanation for all your behaviour and what would Ian do if he didn’t have you to write about! Little dogs yap and try and pick a fight with the Norman’s and late Bellas of this world (or the next). Have you ever seen a Norman or Bella with a muzzle on? Think about it?
I am on your side Norman xxx
Haha, Debra, I will pass all this on to Norman, he will be thrilled to have a supporter. And your right, on a quiet week I just let Norman off his lead and then have plenty to write about xx
Hope the butcher has a nice juicy marrowbone for him!
Did you ever realise Norman would become more popular than you,? But ….. Cup half full without you we wouldn’t have Norman! Xx
Haha, I realised that early 🙂 If I could teach Norman to draw, then I would be able to sit in the garden drinking wine xx
Aw, Norman is living his best life. What is it with dogs and daffodils though? Mine wades into the middle of them all at any opportunity.
Daffodils are evil (quote from Norman) 🙂
Norman, you’re a fantastic dog, do all you can to annoy your owner, that’s what dogs are for! although he’s a spoilsport l know he adores you really. xx
Haha, I’ll pass the message on about his fantastic-ness. Still not letting him in the butcher’s van though 🙂
Norman has such a busy schedule! It’s lovely to see his adventures! He also looks just like my Labrador Ruby. I wonder if they’re related as they seem to share many of the same characteristics too! Keep being your wonderful self Norman!
Norman’s outside now, eyeing up the dead daffodils in the corner, so keeping himself busy. Say Hi to Ruby for me 🙂
We have a Ralph – a black (with a small, white ‘bow tie’) version of Norman – and aren’t Labradors the most wonderful breed on God’s earth! 🙂
I agree Martin and so does Norman 🙂 Say Hi to Ralph from Norman
Thank you for sharing Norman’s list it’s given me a much needed smile today! 😂
Glad you enjoyed it Lucy, have a good weekend 🙂
Keep up the good work Norman, love hearing about your adventures. We had a Humphrey (sadly passed now) who was the only gay dog in the village, got excited when my other half undressed (weirdo) and never barked, only when he heard the ice cream van.
Haha, that’s funny, your other half sounds very sexy (to dogs) 🙂
Well he has to be to somebody (just kidding) 🐶
Thankyou for sharing Norman’s adventures , made me laugh out loud . What a gorgeous boy he is ❤️
We have a 12 week old Labrador puppy and I’m looking forward to these hilarious adventures with her… We’re at the stage now where anything she can get her teeth on will be dragged into the depths of her crate to be demolished later on 😂❣️
You have a lot of adventures ahead of you Karen. Norman’s nearly 3 which is 26 in human years according to some app, so I’ve told him to grow up, but he never listens x
Now then, Norman, you take no notice of Ian…. Sounds like you have the right idea about how to spend your days! Love from Rustie and Pumpkin 🐾🐾 PS. We aren’t very good at this email thingy (our paws keep hitting the wrong keys) so we got our human slave to reply 😁x
Thanks Rustie and Pumpkin, my human slave doesn’t understand how difficult it is being me, but I’m training him xx