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12 March 21

Hi Everyone,

Hope you’re having a good week.

I was on the phone to my best bud the other day, reminiscing about this incident several years/decades ago.

We found ourselves in a hotdog in the middle of a river in the Morvan National Park in Central France, twirling at an alarming rate amid a rabid froth, yes, a rabid froth. The above sketch makes us look like we were going forward, but I could’ve just as easily shown this instead

At this point, I discovered that rocks are hard, hotdogs are soft and my friend couldn’t steer a Tesco’s trolley up the beans and ravioli isle. Always blame someone else.

I’m telling you this as a precautionary tale. This occurred before the fake news era, but that brochure we read in the gift shop two hours earlier was all fake news.

The tissue of lies, aka the brochure, was a collection of superlatives sprinkled among laughy, splashy, foamy scenes. Sadly, the pieces of honed flint slicing up the water ahead of us had been carefully air-brushed from the photographs, giving the river a false cuddly, fluffy feel, instead of this.

It was too late now. Our hotdog, need I say, was out of control (from the side our two man raft looked similar to a … hotdog, it’s a technical term). As we spun, the guide in front, ensconced within a large, well-protected, eight berth raft, shouted over something about several dangerous areas and to stay right at ‘Dead Man’s Fall’. Dead–Man’s–Fall? – that was not highlighted to us in the brochure.

I remembered words like: ‘great day out’ and ‘incredible fun’; there was no Dead Man’s Fall.

I’m going to flash forward now to the moment we didn’t stay right at Dead Man’s fall.

This was one of many potential futures and the most likely.

The river surged and swept us left, our paddles as useful as three-day-old baguettes. As our speed increased, all I could see was a series of alternate river banks. It was a river, for god’s sake, there was only so many directions you could go and we’d done them all.

I looked back at the Steve Redgrave-like figure behind me, crying like a baby. He said it was spray, but it wasn’t. Then it was my turn. A rock smashed into the front of the boat, and the inflatable bow of our hotdog just crumpled. Any cushioning effect was supplied courtesy of my kneecap and the cartilage and ligaments beneath. The complimentary headbutt was provided free of charge by my blubbering friend behind me. Here’s a closeup of what my leg looks like to this very day.

‘Try to avoid the rocks,’ the instructor called from his inflatable cruise liner. Good advice, if only he’d said… Do you remember bagatelle in the olden days? That’s what it was like.

You know what, I’m getting a bit carried away with this story, sorry. I don’t want to go on too much, in case you’re hovering over the unsubscribe button. Maybe, I can leave it at this cliffhanger (literally) and get on with what I’ve been doing this week instead. Tune in next week to see if we died in the Morvan National Park twenty years ago (Spoiler alert: we didn’t).

Or did we???

Okay, back to the present day. I’ve been told I haven’t got many women on my rock page, and you’re right. I didn’t realise how white-male my choice of music was in the 70s and 80s. So who better to rectify this situation than the small, but power packed

  • Suzi Quatro
    £15.00£30.00

And don’t forget Joni Mitchell, one of the greatest songwriters ever with a Wikipedia page full of awards.

  • Joni Mitchell
    £15.00£30.00

It’s been International Women’s Day this week, so this must’ve influenced my sketching decisions, for the British Comedy Section I drew Mrs Merton. I think the Paul Daniels line is one of here best.

  • Mrs Merton
    £15.00£30.00

I also tried a Dawn French one in The Vicar of Dibley. This is supposed to be her in the famous splashing in the puddle scene, but I can’t think of a good caption for it. If anyone else can, let me know.

One of my favourite songs is Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits, so instead of drawing Mark Knopfler doing his stuff I thought I’d sketch something about the meaning of the song. Hope you like it.

  • Brothers in Arms – Dire Straits
    £15.00£30.00

I’ve had a lot of requests for Nirvana, so here’s my attempt a Kurt Cobain. I tried to make him look super cool and against the world.

  • Come as you are – Nirvana
    £15.00£30.00

Talking of suggestions, I get a lot of them every week so I was trying to think of a way of organizing them in a fair way. So I came up with this suggestions page. https://skwiggles.co.uk/suggestions/

Then every week I’ll draw one of the suggestions, does that sound good?? Let me know. It’s only been active a couple of days, but this week it’s David Bowie, so here he is.

  • David Bowie
    £15.00£30.00

Can you believe I’ve sold a couple of these this week

  • Piers Morgan
    £20.00£30.00

And a few people have asked for this as a tee shirt, so here it is. She’s a right pain sometimes.

  • My Dog
    £15.00£30.00

That’s it once again.

Just to let you know, we dug the Wii out of the cupboard this week and I kicked some butt at Wii Dance. I’m told you’re supposed to move other parts of your body, but that’s just jealousy and bitterness on their part.

Have a good weekend.

Take care and all the best,

Ian

12 March 21

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