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23 July 21 – Outbreak

Hi Everyone,

Hope you’re having another great week.

Not such a brilliant week over here at Skwiggles. We’ve had an outbreak. Here’s a quick sketch of my family right now.


If you look carefully, you may have noticed a heroic-looking figure in the background, battling against the odds, unbowed no matter what the viral adversity. Here’s another sketch

This one is a visual representation of the aforementioned person’s impenetrable double-jabbed immune system. Here’s another

Man-mountain.


My daughter wanted to intervene here and have her say:

‘You’re going to put this in your stupid newsletter aren’t you? Make yourself out to be dead good, look how smug you are? With your little smug face. What type of person uses a pandemic to make themselves look good?’ 

Me, it turns out. Sorry.

Look, we’ve been locked down for a week now and I’ve got nothing else to write about.

My daughter went to the rugby club to watch the England game last week, little did we know the rugby club that night was a mini-Wuhan.

Because of all this, they’re all ill and I’ve been forced to do some catfishing.


The only reason I know the term catfishing is because I have teenage daughters who translate the internet for me.

Here’s the definition for people without teenage daughters:

‘It’s the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.’


That definition sounds a bit creepy, I didn’t lure, let me assure you of that. I pretended to be Diane on a couple of emails this week, just because the emails were so nice and I didn’t want to disappoint you with a boring response from me (and I like dressing up.)

Sorry about that, it will not happen again. Diane is starting this Monday, definitely, and I will put the brown wig back in the cupboard.

All in all, I’ve been a bad person this week, using the pandemic to make me look good and pretending to be my wife (minus dimples). But I’ve had three ill people, two demanding dogs and a rabbit to look after, and that’s too much for a single-tasking man. Don’t forget, one of the dogs is this one:

And that’s a.m, but the way. Violin music please.

I’ve just been in the house to check if everyone’s okay.

And they’re up and about so things are looking better. I haven’t really ET’ed the whole house, but I have learned to hold my breath for 12 hours at a time when inside. I can taste the coronavirus in there, think I might get a weekend job at festivals and football matches.

There is a perk, I don’t need to shower anymore because none of them can smell. Always looking for the positives.

That’s it once again.

Hopefully, everyone in our house will be back to full strength next week, apart from me –
– who was always at full strength.



Did I mention I didn’t get it and everyone else did? Although, I need to work on those neck muscles a little next week.

Enjoy your weekend. Hope you avoid the pan and ping-demic.
Take care and all the best,

Ian

23 July 21 – Outbreak

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