23 Sept 22 -Norfolk 2
Have you ever said (when not drunk), ‘Can you pass the salt, it’s next the pepper?’ No, neither have I until I went to this place in Norfolk.
After that I couldn’t stop.
‘Sweetie, are the car keys next the door?’
‘Is Holkham Hall next the beach?’
‘The coffee shop? It’s next the butchers.’
It makes sense, why waste time with that tiny preposition when you can power through to the definite article and noun, that’s what I always say. For a week I tried to use it regularly.
The first couple of days of the holiday we did some general sightseeing, obviously Wells Next the Sea and also Cromer. I am always in charge of Norman, every time I give him to anyone else something bad happens.
‘Jen can you hold Norman for 3 seconds while I tie my shoelace?’
‘What? It was 3 seconds…’ then I snapped her shoulder and knee back in place and we had a crab sandwich in the crab sandwich shop next the post office. The Norfolk coast must be infested with crabs because you can’t move for crab sandwiches.
Me in cafe: ‘Steak and kidney pie and chips, please?’
10 minutes later:
Not sure what the menu was for, because I don’t think there was a choice.
We hired a boat on the Norfolk Broads, but there were too many backseat drivers.
Although, Norman did take over the steering when we were reversing into the marina to return the boat later, or that’s what I told everyone watching in the cafe and the packed pub across the river, just next the cake shop.
The house we stayed in was brill, it had a hot tub in the garden which most of us enjoyed in the evening. Someone wasn’t happy though.
I think I need a new job as a holiday photographer in exotic locations, because I’ve accidentally made that look pretty good with my Samsung phone. This was taken at about 8.00 at night, but we were paranoid about having too much fun, after reading the guest book.
‘Lovely place, but neighbour shouted at me for being in the hot tub.’
‘Enjoyed our stay, but got a note under the door saying ‘Don’t talk too loudly in the kitchen.’
So we vacated the hot tub at 8.30 and whispered in the kitchen most of the day. Apart from that time I won at Monopoly. After that, I was expecting
I did feel sorry for the neighbour though, after reading several entries like ‘All eight of us crazies loved the hen party weekend, fizz in the hot tub all night. Wooooo.’ Every week they won’t know what they are going to get and the hot tub was next the garden wall.
It was a great holiday, we never got any notes under the door or shouted at over the wall.
And the people were super friendly, well the five or six we met were.
If you were one of those super friendly people at Wells Next the Sea on, for example, Saturday 3 Sept, who was eating their fish and chips on those very low seats at the quayside, the ones at the perfect height for a dog, say, to be walking passed and sniff them and, maybe, because the dog owner wasn’t quite paying attention, there is a chance you may have discovered there was one less sausage than you expected. If that was you, it was nothing to do with us.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
All sounds pretty NFN to me lol xx
Haha Dabra, yes definitely NFN, glad I know what that means now 🙂
I look forward to this every week and as normal I am laughing and smiling! Cheers Ian
Thanks David, glad you enjoyed it. Have a good weekend 🙂
Seeing as you’re fond of travelling to distant corners of “This Sceptic Isle” (not William Wordsworth), I would recommend you try Cornwall sometime in the future, specifically St. Ives, it has lovely sandy beaches, plenty of places to eat & drink & plenty of dogs so Norman need not feel left out, you can also travel around the area a bit as you’re not too far from Penzance, and then you can travel a bit further up the coast to a village called Mousehole (Pronounced Mouzel), that’s great if you just want somewhere calm (although not sure about that being the case in Winter) from there you’re not too far from Lands End, if you do go in Winter (especially in December) you will even get to see the world famous Christmas lights.
On a slightly more sombre note: If you ever do go, be sure to take a few minutes to stop at the former Lifeboat Station, just on the approach road to the village, and pay your respects to the crew of the Penlee Lifeboat
Thanks Barry, that is a very informative post. I will endeavour to take a trip to Cornwall, but might leave it till next year as the 9 hour drive to Norfolk as taken its toll. Thanks again for the info
Brilliantly funny as usual ? ??
Thanks Julia 🙂
Another quaint area of local grammar! Being a softy southerner ( well me, actually raised in the London environs – hubby doesn’t sound Scottish but HE IS, as he will always insist on telling everyone commenting on his non-Scots accent!) I was used to the grammar down south, so when we moved to sunny – honest – Scotland I initially thought Scottish people grammar-ignorant as they leave out part of the future-tense verb, e.g. “this job needs done”, ” the garden needs watered” etc etc.
But, thinking about it, why add the ” to be’ part if the sentance is understandable? It is the way the Scots language has evolved and, though I balk at modern text speak/grammar, when in Rome etc….(or in my case, Scotland). To be, or not to be, that is the question.
I totally agree with you, living on the borders of Scotland. Who needs the hassle of those extra two words when the sentence is fully understandable? Not to be, is the answer 🙂
I lived in Norfolk my whole life but never used the ‘next the pepper’ line.. I’m adding it to my conversations now if you don’t mind?! Funny as always thanks Ian ??
Haha, yes definitely add it to your conversations, I’m doing that in Cumbria, so I think we’re going to get rid of ‘to’ from the English language together 🙂
Don’t dis Norfolk ! I’ve lived here 40 plus years and am still regarded as a “foreigner “!
No dissing, Norfolk was lovely 🙂