30 Sept 22 – Bin Day 2
Not sure I should be telling you this but I’m building up an extensive psychological profile of all my neighbours within about a mile radius.
It’s not quite as overt as staring through people’s windows, it’s much worse, they don’t know about it. Here’s a link if you want to view the data I already have.
This is what I do.
After the usual Monday trauma of putting the bins out (here’s another link Bin Day 1), I eventually get round to the next trauma of the day, taking Norman for a walk.
He’s very accurate with his percentages.
Bin day is the perfect time to collect intelligence, I have the perfect cover, disguised as a dog walker. Because I’m out early-ish, I see all the neighbour’s bins, and this is where the data pours in.
No, no – again, not quite as overt as that. I only use the power of observation coupled with the ability to jump to insane conclusions – that is my real skill.
Let’s start with No. 86, just around the corner. This guy loves a Sunday roast, roasted with a few onions and parsnips and a sprig of Thyme on top. He doesn’t like the legs, wings or that browny stuff underneath. He never shuts his bin lid. The local seagulls form an orderly queue on the pavement as he drags the bin out.
No.98 skipped chemistry lessons when they were at school, so they leave the polystyrene packing inside the box thinking it’s paper and pop it in the paper bin. Judging from recent bin days, they have four tellies in every room.
Number 42 is working in collaboration with NASA.
He’s testing image detection technology situated close to the Langrenus Crater on the east side of the moon. The size of the numbers on every side of the bin, and the top (haven’t checked the bottom), in my opinion, must be easily visible on the Moon. I am awaiting a scientific announcement to confirm these findings any day now.
What about No. 53? No bins. This is very difficult to do. Look at me on a Sunday night.
The bin’s almost empty, it’s just something I enjoy at the weekend.
But to have no waste… impressive. These characters must be down the Weigh Yer Own shop every day of the week pouring grain into biodegradable sacks that they use as compost in their garden, which is jammed full of carrots, brocolli and bees.
In contrast, there’s Four Extra Bags Dumped in the Street at number 23.
No. 84, is paranoid. So much so he never takes his bins back in for fear of missing bin day. No 71 is irritating. He puts his bins out just behind two small bushes next to his drive.
The handles are always on the bush side, so the bin man would have to wheel it back and round. Not a big deal, but in the spirit of speed and continuous improvement, No.71, put your bin two feet to the left.
This is an automatic safety feature that Diane installed on this page. It’s triggered whenever I start to sound like an absolute…
I was going to say about No. 31 who’s got about 8 bins, how did that happen? And the 3 litre cider drinker, and the guy who can’t stop cutting his grass… but I won’t.
You see it’s difficult for me. My bins are always perfect, and never have bean cans and beer bottles sticking out of the top.
Which allows me to be so critical of others.
Have a great weekend.
Take care and all the best,
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)