A few more suggestions done this week. Shania Twain and the Spaceballs Alien, a strange combination I admit.
More amazing customers have sent in these photos
Thanks to Aaron and John for sending in these.
Aaron’s in the process of recording his 6th album, which is amazing, and he’s wearing his Peter Green t-shirt. John is loving life in Tenerife with Paul Weller.
Our Diary
Here’s the key points from our week
Friday
A woman at the rugby club keeps shouting at me. Even though they display this sign on their gate.
This sign really did ruin my fun walking down Lowmoor Road.
I think the woman must be new and keen to impress, because we all know shouting is impressive. If you come in at the bottom end of the fields, a sign says keep dogs off the rugby pitches. If you come in at the other end, a sign says keep dogs on leads. So I always come in at the bottom end and keep Norman off the pitches, as instructed.
It’s difficult to point out this signage loophole when she’s enjoying a good shout.
They also have this one:
Is this not a general rule for all sporting events? But here a sign is required.
Saturday
It’s the weekend and it was sunny in Cumbria, so we raced out in the afternoon for some beer garden drinking with a couple of friends. ‘Sunny Saturday in Cumbria’ is the least used sentence in the English language, I googled it.
Sunday
Norman must’ve had too many beers yesterday, he told me about a dream he had last night, it was something like this:
Monday
Spotted a very serious issue at the sports fields today ‘excessive gate labeling’.
It’s obviously incredibly important that these gates are labeled correctly because if you go in the wrong one you may end up in exactly the same place as the other two.
Tuesday
After watching Rings of Power, I caused a big queue in Starbucks.
‘I am Ian, Son of Frank the Joiner, Grandson of Samuel the Steelworker, Husband of Diane legend to all Skwiggles Customers, Father to Hannah and Jenna, adopted Father and total hero to Norman the sheep poo eater, Brother to Paul the….’
They couldn’t fit it on the cup. But as King Durin III says, you need to be proud of your family and heritage.
Wednesday
Red Rum, Tiger Roll, Aldaniti, Norman – the Grand National Greats
Although, it turns out Norman hates gamboling.
Thursday
There’s a new man on my (my I tell you) morning walk. He has two dogs and one of them is very aggressive.
‘Can you put your dog on a lead?’ he says. ‘Or my dog will bite him.’
For nearly two years I’ve been walking down by the river in the 8.00 to 8.30am slot, Norman jumping in and out of the river enjoying himself. This and the shouty woman at the rugby club, time to go in search of The Infinity Gauntlet again.
Here’s what I consider to be the British version of Bat Out of Hell without the bell tolling and the flying out of your body bit. Just an old depressed man on a bike.
So the old rocker gets out his bike To make a ton before he takes his leave Up on the A1 by Scotch Corner Just like it used to be
And as he flies, tears in his eyes His wind-whipped words echo the final take And he hits the trunk road doing around a 120 With no room left to brakeIAN ANDERSON – TOO OLD TO ROCK ‘N’ ROLL: TOO YOUNG TO DIE
One of my fave Jethro Tull songs.
I got into trouble for drawing this wonky-looking sketch of our kitchen. Several friends wrote in and said it looks nothing like our kitchen, it’s far too tidy. That is the beauty of being an artist. I can leave out the pile of undies, the stack of unopened bills and the half-finished bottle of wine (I finished it don’t worry).
I went a bit Shakespearean with this Facebook post. I was really hoping the next house along was ‘ Not 2B’ but it was not to be, it was 2A, so that’s boring.
That’s it for now. Have a great week. Come back soon.
Ian and Diane
.
From 19 May 2023
Managed to get a couple more done from the suggestions list this week. Ronnie Van Zant, Mark King and a Saab.
More amazing customers have sent in these photos
Thanks to Liz and Stuart for sending in these. Liz bought her son-in-law the Angus v The Devil canvas print (behind him) and she said he was chuffed with it. And look it’s on his wall, so he must be And now I am. Thanks Liz. And thanks Stuart for wearing the Skwiggles one instead of Joe’s 🙂
Our Diary
Here’s the key points from our week
Friday
All I can say about Friday is that it was a good cloud day, unless you’re an elephant being chased by a mouse.
Saturday
Before I could rip my ears off and stamp on them repeatedly, Diane said:
‘For a moment there I thought you said ‘Let’s…’
I haven’t watched it since I was at university and did the one drink from each country thing.
Wish I’d done that this time.
I started to cry when Diane said: ‘That’s the jury votes done, now for another 11 hours of the viewers’ votes. We’re still in with a chance.’
Sunday
Wanted to show Norman the delights of one of the best walks in the Lake District – Helvellyn from Glenridding. But he couldn’t get his butt out of bed early enough (always blame Norman for everything), so when we got to the car park it was the same as last time. Here’s what happened last time I went:
What an outrage, woke up to discover it wasn’t a bank holiday.
Then I realised I work at Skwiggles and every day is full of fun and laughter, isn’t it Sweetie?
Tuesday
Found out something today using pure logic. Experts say dogs eat grass because the dog somehow knows it’s lacking in essential nutrients. Therefore, I must eat custard creams every day because I’m lacking in essential creaminess. Listen to your body, is my advice.
Wednesday
While out for our weekly scone afternoon, me mam found another King Charles and insisted on a photo, I think she’s become obsessed.
Thursday
Just to continue with the psychological profiling of my neighbours. A few doors down from me must work at Jurassic Park:
And the song for this week is from Bob and incorporates our family motto
May your hands always be busy May your feet always be swift May you have a strong foundation When the winds of changes shift May your heart always be joyful May your song always be sung And may you stay forever youngBOB DYLAN – FOREVER YOUNG
At 56, the forever young bit is firmly on the inside and heavily disguised by an ancient looking exterior.
Do you think there’s any need to go anywhere anymore? I love flying around the world on Google Earth, especially with the 3D mode on in cities. I flew to London a couple of days ago and hovered over Tower Bridge for a bit and drew this:
I’m not the tidiest person, as this photo of our living room will confirm.
I feel Diane’s going to go into Spring clean mode any time soon, which is scary.
That’s it for now. Have a great week. Come back soon.
Ian and Diane
From 12 May 2023
Managed to get a couple done from the suggestions list this week. I kept up the Roman theme a little with Russell.
More amazing customers have sent in these photos
Our Diary
Here’s the key points from our week
Thursday
As you may remember, I was walking Hadrian’s Wall last/this week. 84 Miles from The Solway Firth to Wallsend in Newcastle. It took us 4.5 days. Quick sketch of what my legs felt like at the start just thinking about the walk.
Friday
Me and Norman got chased by cows – twice. If you’ve seen The Lion King then it will be very easy for you to imagine the scene.
Saturday
My daughter joined us and we did the toughest and best section, where we actually saw a wall and some old ruins (yes, me and Rich – (knew you were thinking that)).
Although Rich has got an American dentist and moisturizes regularly, so looks 10 years younger than me. I told my daughters me and Rich were the same age, to which they replied in very serious voices:
I’m moisturizing now
Sunday
Before setting off today I wish I’d called Norris McWhirter, because we inadvertently completed the longest pub crawl that’s ever been done (23 miles). Had a Beer in the Robin Hood Inn, another in the Three Tuns in Heddon-on-the-Wall and then four more on the Quayside in Newcastle. Because you know what…
Monday
Four miles to the finish. We got there and I was about to do something like this:
When Rich had a great idea.
‘Let’s carry on to the coast, so we can say we’ve walked from coast to coast. It’s only 8 more miles in the pouring rain.’
I modified my speech:
Tuesday
Rich went home and I spent all day feeling sorry for my feet and watching them gently pulse in the way your thumb does when you’ve whacked it 4 times with a hammer.
Wednesday
If you’d like to read more about me whining about aging and looking old, then this is for you:
It was during Covid, we weren’t robbing him.
Thursday
I’m over it now. So to cheer myself up I continued with the psychological profiling of my neighbours. I took this photo:
And jumped to the totally reasonable conclusion that the right one is uncharitable and selfish and won’t lift a finger for the slacker on the left.
Two more neighbours catalogued
Although I got into trouble on Facebook, because people said the person on the left was obviously doing No Mow May and was an environmentalist and not a slacker. If so, they are serious environmentalists and doing No Mow 2023 just like they did in 2022.
This is the only song that kept going through my head this week
And I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles To fall down at your door
THE PROCLAIMERS
Or maybe this one
Did I tell you I’d walk a few miles this week? Don’t think I’ve mentioned it.
Norman proved once again that he is the cleverest dog in Britain.
I had to open the gate for him.
That’s it for now. Have a great week. Come back soon.
Ian and Diane
From 5 May 2023
Sorry, I haven’t done anything from the suggestions list this week, very poor, I know. If you’ve just clicked through from the newsletter you’ll know this is happening:
I’m walking Hadrian’s wall. I’ll keep you informed.
More amazing customers have sent in these photos
Our Diary
Here’s the key points from our week
Friday
I was walking along, minding my own business, and then I thought to myself: What I really want to do right now is an impression of Edward Scissorhands, yes, that’s exactly what I want to do, but then I looked up and saw this:
And I couldn’t
Saturday
Took a photo of Lord’s Seat from the top of Sale Fell. I always think Lord’s Seat is a majestic name for a mountain
The one next to it (with the arrow) is called Barf, not quite as majestic.
Sunday
Norman was 2 today, so as promised to aid his transition from idiot to mature sensibleness I read him this speech based on the famous Rudyard Kipling poem to his son – ‘If’
Let the growing up begin.
Norman, If you can keep your head when all about you Are running and sniffing bums in the park, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Your poop will be scooped with none on my fingers. If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To walk on the lead and not rupture my spleen.
If you can dream—without snoring and grunting Then one day we might hear the telly. If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds less barking at the postie. If you can think—even a tiny little bit, Yours is the biscuit tin and everything that’s in it. And—which is more—you’ll be a good dog, my friend!
And then we did this
Cake
Monday
It’s May the 4th on Thursday and you are not going to believe what flew over my head today.
Tuesday
Our American friend turned up to limber up for the big walk tomorrow. Little does he know what an incredibly fast walker I am, if you need to know more and the trouble I got into because of it, click below.
Come let’s light a fire Drink a beer and sing a song We’ll be dead before we know it We don’t have very long As the world outside collapses And confuses right and wrong Light a fire Drink a beer… Sing a songAS FOR MY SOUL – WILL VARLEY
I’ve swapped my winter haircut for a fancy summer one:
That’s it for now. Have a great week. Come back soon.
And now I am. Thanks Liz. And thanks Stuart for wearing the Skwiggles one instead of Joe’s 🙂
