Spooky Castle
Here’s where my mind took me at 3.00am last night.
I’m not a great sleeper, Diane says I’m a very light sleeper which is why I keep the window closed.
Luckily, the last time it was open I was wearing my jimjams, otherwise astronomers would’ve been treated to a rare dual luna experience.
I’m really not a light sleeper, it’s usually the wind that wakes me,
I’ve tried all sorts but eating liquorice before bed doesn’t help.
Before I turned into Tim Vine…
… I’ll get on with the story.
My 3.00am wake-ups start with this reoccurring dream.
In the dream, I wake up and think:
‘Ian, don’t forget to kill that vampire in the spooky castle on the hill today.’
I’d get my stake and hammer ready, and then I’d think: I’ll just get the shopping in first, and tootle off to the shops. After that, I’ll take Norman for a walk, clean the car, maybe nip to Costa for an Americano, and enjoy the sun shining brightly in the sky.
Eventually, after a series of random tasks, I remember about the vampire and before you know it I’m at the bus stop waiting for the 666 to Spooky Castle.
The bus arrives and I’m tying my shoelaces, so I miss it. I’ll get the next one, don’t worry.
But then I’m chatting to Joe from across the road and he’s a natterer and I miss it.
Next, a wizard turns the atmosphere into jelly and I can’t walk through it to get to the bus.
After that, I’m enjoying picking my nose and nothing disturbs that.
I missed them all. So I walk, not an issue, apart from I get lost 6 times.
Every time with this dream, I open the front door as the sun sets over the ramparts. The vampire’s coffin is always in an old fireplace at the top of the castle, very inconvenient, as it’s getting late and I’m tired now. I creak open the coffin lid and there he is.
As I line up the stake to hammer it in, guess what happens?
This:
Looks like he has terrible arthritis in those 700-year-old hands, but nevertheless still scary enough to wake me up. What a pain.
Actually, Diane woke up at 3.00am once after a horrific dream.
‘Listen to this,’ she said. ‘I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and I couldn’t find the tea towel.’
‘Okay…’, I said, intrigued.
‘Well, I didn’t know where it was and the dishes needed to be dried. Couldn’t find it anywhere and then I woke up. Absolute nightmare.’
That was it.
She couldn’t find the tea towel and she woke up in a lather of sweat. I was in a dark castle killing an immortal servant of the devil… I’m not 100% sure that’s comparable. What do you think?
Diane says, in the brief moments that I’m asleep, that I make a funny throaty sound that she calls a cluck. And that some night’s it’s clucking hell.
This is a complete lie.
So I set up some CCTV.
See, told you.
Have a great weekend, and any dream experts out there, let me know the bad news of what this means.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
You call that bad sleeping Ian? You have it easy with your vampire and your missed buses! I’m a sleep walker, have been since childhood (sleepwalked into a road when I was seven, but the roads were quieter then). Recently, I woke and couldn’t find my trousers anywhere. Knowing my proclivities, my search included the fridge, pantry and oven, no joy. Later in the day I noticed something dark in a large pot of azalea under my bedroom window. You guessed it. I’d thrown my trousers out the first floor window. I’m currently in Australia and trying hard not to sleep walk! Keep the good stuff coming Ian, thank you!
Ha ha, you win Lisa, you certainly have a lot of fun during the night. Exciting to wake up and wonder what you’ve been up to 🙂 Enjoy Australia and don’t be wandering about the outback at night 🙂
You’ve got a brilliant imagination, Ian! That is so funny. Thank you for making me chuckle 🤭. I am assuming it is from your imagination… 😂
Actually, recurring dreams can be a bit disturbing. When I was a kid, my dream was running down a tow path at dusk being chased by a dark figure, then jumping into the canal to hide and holding my breath until I found I could breathe underwater! My sister experienced the exact same dream but we didn’t know this until we were adults. Spooky…
That is spooky Heather, both the dream and your sister have the exact same one. Hope you don’t have that dream anymore 🙂
I used to have a reoccurring nightmare for years. I’d be in bed & a monster would come into my room, I’d somehow slip past him & go for the stairs, always falling down the last few then waking up. Hence why now I have to sleep near the door whever I am! Luckily my husband doesn’t mind which side he sleeps on & I no longer have that nightmare! 😊
Poor you Debra, monsters do tend to sneak into rooms at night, they must like it for some reason. Glad that nightmare’s over 🙂
I love reading your emails. Always so witty, I sit, chuckling away to myself and getting odd looks from my husband.
PS. I love your t shirts as well x
Thanks Shelagh, glad you enjoy them, hope your husband doesn’t think you’ve gone mad 🙂