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25 Feb 22 – Spooky Castle

Hi Everyone,

Firstly, before I get on with the usual stupid stuff, I felt the need to quickly sketch this.

It’s the Ukraine Independence Monument, not sure why I felt the need, but just wanted to do something.

Here’s where my mind took me at 3.00am on Wednesday morning. 

I’m not a great sleeper, Diane says I’m a very light sleeper which is why I keep the window closed.

Luckily I was wearing my jimjams that night or astronomers would’ve been treated to a rare dual luna experience, last seen when my jimmy’s were in the wash last week.

I don’t think I am a light sleeper, but last night I was rudely awakened by a noise in the loft, and I’m telling you, if that spider creaks its web one more time, I really won’t be responsible for my actions.

I blame the wind, it’s been atrocious lately.

I’ve tried all sorts but eating liquorice before bed doesn’t really help

Phew, thanks Basil, those attempted ‘jokes’ were getting out of hand.

On a serious note, the 3.00am wake-ups started with this reoccurring dream I used to have. I’d wake up (in the dream) and I’d think:

‘Ian, don’t forget to kill that vampire in the spooky castle on the hill today.’

I’d get my stake and hammer ready, and then I’d think: I’ll just get the shopping in first, and after that, I’ll take the dog for a walk, clean the car, maybe nip to Costa for an Americano and enjoy the sun shining brightly in the sky.

Eventually, after a series of random tasks, I remember about the vampire and before you know it I’m at the bus stop waiting for the 666 to Spooky Castle.

It arrives and I’m tying my shoelaces, so I miss it. I’ll get the next one, don’t worry. But then I’m chatting to Joe from across the road and he’s a natterer and I miss it. Next one, I’m stuck in a jelly avalanche. After that, I’m really enjoying picking my nose and can’t let anything disturb it. I missed them all. So I walk, not an issue, apart from I get lost 6 times.

Every time with this dream, I creaked open the front door as the sun sets over the ramparts. The vampire’s coffin is always in an old fireplace at the top of the castle, very inconvenient, as it’s getting late and I’m tired now. As I line up the stake to hammer it in, guess what happens.

Looks like he has terrible arthritis in those 700-year-old hands, but nevertheless still scary enough to wake me up at around 3.00am.

I don’t have the vampire dream anymore, but I think I got into the habit of the 3.00am wake up.

Diane woke up at 3.00am once after a horrific dream.

‘Listen to this,’ she said. ‘I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and I couldn’t find the tea towel.’
‘Okay…’
‘Well, I didn’t know where it was and the dishes needed to be dried. Couldn’t find it anywhere and then I woke up. Absolute nightmare.’

That was it.

She couldn’t find the tea towel and she woke up in a lather of sweat. I was in a dark castle most nights killing an immortal servant of the devil, I’m not 100% sure that’s comparable? What do you think?

So, I had an idea and did some mathematics (I know, impressive) on our mortgage and bills, and decided to sell the house and move into a Premier Inn. As you know, they have a money-back sleep guarantee, don’t they Lenny?

So we’re living there for free now.

That’s it once again.

Diane says, in the brief moments that I’m asleep, that I make a funny throaty sound that she calls a cluck. And that some night’s it’s clucking hell.

This is a complete lie.

So I set up some CCTV.

See, told you.

But the good news is, Diane doesn’t snore at all **

Have a great weekend. 

Take care and all the best,Ian

** my fingers were crossed behind my back

25 Feb 22 – Spooky Castle

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