A Night in the Hospital
A few years ago, I was in the garden failing to light a BBQ, as well as simultaneously being a terrible parent – who said men couldn’t multitask?
The Easi-Light BBQ was at the tense, dormant, unlightable stage, the stage just before I shouted a Norse curse and summoned lightning from the sky.
So I was a little distracted.
Seeing I wasn’t looking, my daughter, Jen (8 at the time) decided to adjust the height of the net on the netball stand. The net had been at that height for three years, but today was the day she decided adjustment was required. There’s a peg you pull out, and then a big heavy metal pole, carrying the net, plummets to earth until the metal ring near the net smashes into the metal ring near the peg.
Instead of reading the instructions for adjusting the height, she must’ve skipped to the appendix. 
So, the burgers remained raw and now we’re on our way to A&E.
And to be honest it was touch and go which daughter we were going to A&E for.
I don’t know if you know this, but if you shove as many haribos into your mouth as you possibly can, that cures thumb fractures. That’s what, I’m assuming, was the thinking in the back of the car on the way through.
A&E was busy, the corridor had stretchers in it with people groaning. This is how my eldest daughter, Hannah, remembers it several years later.
We sat next to a family whose two-year-old daughter had swallowed a 20p and they were waiting for an X-ray.
The father of the 20p girl decided to tell us a cheery story about the time he got run over and mangled by a tractor. His guts got ripped out, and he had to spend the whole night on a hospital bed with his entrails lying beside him before the doctor came.
The level of detail was astonishing. 
Sorry NHS. I can’t vouch for the accuracy of the story, but he kindly showed us the scar and the tractor tire marks across his chest.
Six hours later, which is how long that tractor story took him (that man knew his entrails) Jen got her x-ray and thumb bandage up.
As we were leaving, I heard Mr Entrails talking to his child.
Is it bad that that really cheered me up? We’d been there for 6 hours for a fractured thumb, he’d been there for more than 6 hours because his daughter didn’t swallow a 20p.
I went out thinking, well that wasn’t a wasted night.
As we left, Hannah noticed a nurse in a cubicle.
Unbelievably Hannah now works for the NHS.
Take care and all the best,
Ian
(If you want to leave a comment below, that would be great)
That story reminds me of one which a friend of my late father once told me. He worked with him on the Council District waggon, which consisted of going round the borough delivering and collecting street repair equipment, there was three of them on the waggon, my dad was the driver. This one time they were sent to retrieve a compressor, whch is used for Pnuematic drills, as they were hooking it up, the hose became a bit loose, so one of the lads was wrapping it round the machine , and as he did so, he caught the other lad with the nozzle, cue dramatic collapse, they took him to the local hospital where he was attended to, and kept in for observation. The other lad went to visit him later, and he said that the ward was a scene of pandemonium, he asked one of the staff which ward his mate was on, and they were very concerned and asked him if he was family. It later turned out that he was allergic to needles, and every time they tried to give him a tetanus jab , he caved in. Nobody was apparently able to work out what the problem was, and so this little scene was repeated whenever he came round. He spoke to his mate, convinced he was on his way out, and gave instructions about what he was to tell his wife.
That does sound traumatic, not a fun place to be, that’s for sure
Funny!! Especially as I am sitting in hospital waiting for an x-ray as I read this!!!! 😁😁
Whoops, sorry Jackie. Hope you’re not waiting too long and it goes okay 🙂
Lol! Not too long and all went well thank you!!!
Brilliant, got to love the kidders 🤣
You have 🙂 Any time you fancy a night out at A&E just swallow that pretend 20p.
This really brightened my day (but not the bit about your daughter’s poorly thumb). I remember many trips to A&E but none as humourous as that one!
Thanks Alyson, glad it brightened your day. Her thummb is fully recovered. My eldest daughter was the one who was more traumatised, and still talks about the man and the tractor and she’s 24 now 🙂
Oh so funny – love the 2 year old who made up the 20p! My daughter is 4 & I can imagine her doing this.. touch wood no hospital visits yet..!
Glad you enjoyed it Rachel. I think 2 years old like a trip to A&E, so watch out for the 20p trick:)
https://www.google.com/search?q=black+knight+monty+python&sca_esv=575285569&rlz=1C5MACD_enGB1075GB1080&tbm=vid&sxsrf=AM9HkKl6M5unZzfE7XQOP5YTi6RdH6cp_g:1697833798418&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi_y8Tju4WCAxVSkFwKHeHKAwAQ_AUoAnoECAIQBA&biw=1728&bih=886&dpr=2#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:3a610b4c,vid:ZmInkxbvlCs,st:0
Cumbric Jessies.
Haha, that’s nothing compared to swallowing a pretend 20p