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20 Aug 21 – Toby Maguire

Hi Everyone,

This week I thought a lot about Toby Maguire while I was on my elliptical trainer.

Notice how I put some marks on that sketch to imply some sort of speedy movement, that wasn’t the case.

The elliptical trainer tracks my calories. So, before I started thinking about Toby, my thoughts wandered off to McDonald’s and the damage I could cause there after 30 mins on here.

On analyzing the stats, after 5 mins of brutal warm-up, I did a quick extrapolation. I discovered that 30 minutes at this pace would probably bank me enough calories to allow me a brief sniff of a quarter pounder from the McDonald’s car park.

I’d better add some more speed marks to the first drawing.

While hammering out the cals, I was watching ‘The Last of the Mohicans’ yet again and that’s when it happened. I became really disappointed in Toby Maguire – yet again. 

If you haven’t seen ‘The Last of the Mohicans’, I won’t spoil it, all I’m going to say is this is how I want all good guys to treat bad guys in films.

When you see Chingachgook running out of the trees, up that mountain path, with the Daniel Day-Lewis running behind him, and the Celtic music picking up a few beats, my heart starts racing and I mentally moved closer to Maccies door and maybe have a sniff inside. It’s the best 5 minutes of cinema you’ll ever see, and definitely worth a side of carrots and a diet coke.

All I’m saying is don’t mess with this guy.

This guy on the other hand…

…feel free to mess with.

You see, Toby Maguire as Spiderman gets regularly beaten to pulp by everyone, several generations of Green Goblin, by Doc Oc in Spiderman 2, by Venom and Sandman in the next one and that annoys me. I don’t want my heroes winning by accident. It’s not all about Toby, there’s loads of others, Rocky

Superman, he never learns. ‘What’s that glowing green stuff, Lex, and stop punching me in the face, I’m feeling a bit weak’.

Every time I see a good guy winning by a freak bit of good luck, after getting a right pummelling, the celtic music starts in my head and Chingachgook comes running round the corner to do a proper job.

Sorry Toby, wrong person.

Hollywood, listen, we don’t want our heroes messing about at the end. Get the baddies killed and we can all go home before the last bus.

Phew, glad I got that off my chest. Got so angry there, I burnt an extra 10.

During warm down, which followed immediately after warm-up, Diane popped in.

That’s what she looks like when she pops in.

Although she wasn’t that happy, because she’d fallen victim to autocorrection. She’d texted her old boss who’d had some mild Covid symptoms.  After a bit of general crack, she finished the text with these words of compassion and support:

‘… hope you’re choking right now.’

It was supposed to be ‘hope your chilling right now’ but the subconscious is a powerful thing, I think, but she insisted it was autocorrect. So if you get any messages from Diane this week, she doesn’t really want you to choke, let’s be clear about that.

Actually, she loves it when I’m chilling.

That’s it once again.

239 calories the elliptical said by the end of it. So I thoroughly enjoyed my side salad, melon bag and two lots of tiny carrots, I was stuffed…



…after I discovered I had just enough room for a triple cheeseburger, large fries and a couple of Malteser McFlurrys.

Have a great weekend.

Take care and all the best,
Ian

20 Aug 21 – Toby Maguire

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