Dogs Behaving Badly Since we got Norman, for some reason we’ve started watching Dogs Behaving (Very) Badly. I don’t know why we watch it because, as you know from previous emails, Norman is an exceptional highly trained individual. But two
18 March 22 – Getting Battered by Kids Hi Everyone, Not sure about you, but getting battered by big kids in the 1970s was just one of life’s little irritations. You may say, well that sketch isn’t to scale, look
I’ve made an attempt at an uplifting story from back in the day. Here’s 12 year old me with a song that (just realised) hadn’t been written then.And it’s about football not boxing anyway. It’s a bad start to this
4 March 22 – Norman’s Questionable Behaviours Hi Everyone I have a Norman update this week and a precautionary tale for anyone thinking about getting a puppy when they see cute photos on the internet. He doesn’t look like that
Spooky Castle Here’s where my mind took me at 3.00am last night. I’m not a great sleeper, Diane says I’m a very light sleeper which is why I keep the window closed. Luckily, the last time it was open I
Cricket When I was younger I played cricket and I was the most boring batsman in the history of boredom No, I wasn’t that kind of boring. Ignore him, I meant this kind of boring. I was king of the
18 Feb 22 – PE Teacher Hi Everyone, I don’t know about you, but when I was at school PE Teachers looked like this Ours was called Mr Clyde and wasn’t a fan of O rhesus positive so I survived.
Many years ago, when I lived in America, I worked in a nuclear plant in the desert and met a guy called Jimmy. To imagine Jimmy, think of Lemmy with a hard hat. That looks nothing like Lemmy or Jimmy but
28 Jan 22 – Concerts Hi Everyone, Please look away if you don’t like to see middle-aged (some would say old) people enjoying themselves. That’s Pete and Kev at the Michael Schenker concert last year. The reason they look like criminals is
21 Jan 22 – Fast Walker Hi Everyone, This week I scared someone on a dark lane.I didn’t mean to, it’s not a hobby of mine. So I apologise to the innocent teenager who was the victim. Sorry, innocent teenager
14 Jan 22 – Home Alone Hi Everyone, Diane’s mum has had a hip operation so Diane’s 25 miles down the road helping out there, so I’ve been left in charge this week. Before she left, Diane sat my daughter
7 Jan 22 – Downton Abbey Hi Everyone, Hope you’ve all had a great Christmas and New Year. Our house has been infiltrated by the virus once again, which has inspired me to move into the world of motivational tee
24 Dec 21 – Merry Christmas Hi Everyone, This is just a quick message to say: That’s us, the Skwiggles family, and if you don’t want to know what we really look like (recommended), look away now: So that’s Diane,
I have a real-life Christmas story for you this week. It happened when we lived in Idaho Falls, USA and involved a cold winters night, a guiding star and an ass. Here’s a sketch of all three. I was at the
10 Dec 21 – Christmas Carols Diane has gone into full Christmas mode and keeps playing The Best Christmas Songs in the Universe on Spotify Wait… can you imagine one of those needle-being-badly-lifted-off-a-vinyl-record sound effects please… Thanks ‘What the hell
3 Dec 21 – The History of Santa I am so grateful to be celebrating Christmas in the present day. Well… there are some downsides. Sorry about the very poor-quality sketch of The Boob, I was starting to get a queasy
26 Nov 21 – Black Friday Hi Everyone, It’s BLACK FRIDAY, forget about 50% off at Amazon, 70% New Look, 200% off at… forget about all that, we’re giving away a free car, look Not only that, you also get
12 Nov 21 – Second Fight Hi Everyone, Don’t know if you read last week’s email where had my first fight in the playground and used far too many Rocky references Sorry, did it again, that’s the last one, promise.
5 Nov 21 – First Fight Hi Everyone, I’ve had two fights in my life, I was claimed to be the victor in both, and never swung a single punch that connected. I wasn’t an heroic Rocky-type figure tiring out
Have you ever done this for 90 minutes before? I have, and it wasn’t just because it was a quiet Sunday. I was at the dentist’s getting my wisdom teeth out. My top teeth aren’t too bad but my bottom
22 Oct 21 – James Bond Hi Everyone, I went to see James Bond with a couple of friends this week, no spoilers so don’t worry. But one thing did disappoint me, one of my friends, Pete, messaged me three
15 Oct 21 – Captain Kirk Hi Everyone, Captain Kirk has gone into space and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me feel, so much so that I did this almost before he’d landed. Getting blasted into space
8 Oct 21 – Bouncer Hi Everyone, Last Saturday I decided to have a go at being a bouncer.Well, it was sort of forced upon me because the real bouncer didn’t turn up to our daughter’s 18th birthday party at the Rugby Club, and
Monopoly I don’t know whether you know this but I’m a World Monopoly Champion. When I say World, I’m using it in the American way, and it doesn’t really mean the whole world, as in the global entity where we all live, it
24 Sept 21 – The Psychic Hi Everyone, Once upon a time I worked at the local factory, and I had the pleasure of working with Bezel, a genuine psychic. That’s Bezel standing in front of a strange straggly looking
The Waterpark In the days when people wore speedos proudly and my gut didn’t do this when I sat down Something bad happened. By the way, I don’t normally sit with my arms like that, because that would be strange.
10 Sept 21 – The Beard Hi Everyone, In lockdown, I decided to do what every other man decided to do and see what type of beard I could actually grow. Diane isn’t a big fan, but this is what
Chased by Hounds A while ago I was out on my bike enjoying the lovely Cumbrian countryside, here I am: No, sorry, wrong sketch I’d just safely negotiated a Strava section called ‘Chased by hounds’ which was very well named
On our way back from The Peak District the other week, we stopped off at Jodrell Bank and it made me feel lonely. I know, didums. But you will too, when I tell you this simple fact. We are alone.
20 Aug 21 – Toby Maguire Hi Everyone, This week I thought a lot about Toby Maguire while I was on my elliptical trainer. Notice how I put some marks on that sketch to imply some sort of speedy movement,
13 Aug 21 – Getting Organized Hi Everyone, After the chaos of our holidays last week, I thought, let’s get organized. As usual, I can best describe my vision of the future with a quick skwiggle. So I read ‘Getting
6 Aug 21 – The Peak District Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week. I’m on holiday in the Peak District this week and, if you’re a regular email opener, you’ll probably know I’ve been doing a lot of
30 July 21 – Fatty Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week. I tried on my ‘good’ going-out jeans the other day. And something bad happened. I haven’t tried them on for about a year, because I’ve been living
23 July 21 – Outbreak Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week. Not such a brilliant week over here at Skwiggles. We’ve had an outbreak. Here’s a quick sketch of my family right now. If you look carefully, you may
16 July 21 – New Starter Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week I’ve got an important announcement to make this week, so I’m going to big this one up with the help of a terrible drawing of Dermot O’Leary,
9 July 21 – Live till you’re 1000 Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week It was my birthday this week. Thanks, I know, 55, you wouldn’t believe it would you. I don’t look a day over… okay let’s
2 July 21 – New Puppy Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week This week, if you emailed me, I may have replied at strange times of the day and it may not have made sense. That’s because I
I Disfigured My Boss This post comes with a warning – saving the environment can be dangerous. Many years ago, before I started Skwiggles, I worked at the local factory. As far as I could tell, my job was to
Helvellyn Was anyone in Liverpool city centre last Saturday morning? Answer: no there wasn’t? Do you know why, because you were all at Lake District National Park Car Park in Glenridding at 8.25 am. My idea was to have a
11 June 21 – $15,000 Dollar Baby We lived in the USA for a while, and when we were out there I must’ve got my wife drunk on old yella, rattlesnake moonshine, or some other American drink, and one thing
4 June 21 – Public Information Films Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week This week I accidentally made a discovery. I was talking about the Smash advert with a few friends at the weekend. Yes, that’s the level of our
A Night in the Hospital A few years ago, I was in the garden failing to light a BBQ, as well as simultaneously being a terrible parent – who said men couldn’t multitask? The Easi-Light BBQ was at the tense, dormant, unlightable
Emergency Services You wouldn’t think a simple phone call to John Lewis, wondering where my 2L Kilner Cliptop glass jars had got to, would lead to the police knocking on my door 15 minutes later. But that’s what happened. A very nice John
7 May 21 – Is that your Dad? Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week. For this email please go to Spotify and search for incredibly sad violin music or, perhaps, that music Simon Bates used to play for Our
30 April 21 – Stopping Traffic Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week.I’ve talked about my dog, Lizzi, a few times on this email, but this I considered to be a new low. Don’t read on if you’re squeamish. But,
23 April 21 – The Shower Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another great week. This week I have to speak out about a serious issue. This:What’s all that stuff? You’ll notice, in the right corner, my cold tar and coconuty Alberto Balsam,
16 April 21 – The Infinite Monkey Cage Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having another good week. I’m still listening to podcasts in the vain hope of suddenly becoming clever. This week I listened to the Infinite Monkey Cage with Brian
2 April 2021 – Wild Camping Hope you’re having a good week. Now that we have a tiny bit of freedom, I remember last summer, the last time we briefly had some, I persuaded the family to go wild camping
Humphrey I need to tell you about this little creature. I’ve really tried hard to make him look cute, but he wasn’t. His name was Humphrey (thanks Betty G Birney and your Humphrey the Hamster books). This was a couple of
19 March 21 – Rafting 2 Hi Everyone, Hope you’re having a good week. Firstly an apology. I really hope the tension of leaving you with that cliffhanger last week hasn’t kept you awake all week. Very sorry about that. Here’s a
